Tuesday, July 25, 2023

Gaslighting Narcissist Husband: How To Beat Him At His Game

Credit: Pexels.     

When someone gaslights their spouse, it can be very hard on both of them. When your narcissistic husband uses gaslighting to change how you see the world, it can make you feel confused, hurt, and stuck in a web of lies. 

We'll talk about how to deal with a gaslighting narcissist husband, find out why he acts the way he does, and find out why some women find it hard to leave gaslighters. We'll also give you tips on how to beat the gaslighting game.

Understanding How Gaslighting Works in Marriage

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which the gaslighter tries to make the victim question their sanity, memory, and perceptions. In a marriage, an egotistical husband may use gaslighting to show his partner who is in charge, in control, and emotionally powerful. 

He could make her feel like her feelings don't matter, change her world, or make her feel like she needs him.

Real-Life Example: Gaslighting In Marriage

After a few years of marriage, Debora, a smart and sure-of-herself woman, began to notice that her husband, Paul, was slowly changing. He started to criticise her constantly, put down what she had done, and make fun of what she had to say. 

Paul would always deny having said hurtful things when Debora asked him about them. This made Debora doubt her memory. Slowly, she started to question what she thought she knew and felt like she was losing touch with the real world.

What Makes A Husband A Narcissist?

A person with narcissistic personality traits or who has been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a narcissistic husband. Narcissism is a personality condition marked by a heightened sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, a lack of empathy for others, and a tendency to manipulate and take advantage of others for their own benefit.

In a marriage or relationship, a selfish husband often puts his own needs and wants ahead of those of his partner. He might always want attention and praise, take over talks, and expect to be treated differently. He might not really care about how his partner feels and use situations to keep control and power over them.

A narcissistic husband can be emotionally abusive and use gaslighting to make their partner question their perceptions, memories, and sanity. They might put down and criticise their partner, which would make them feel bad about themselves and need their support.

Having a selfish husband can make life hard and drain your emotions. It's important to know how to spot selfish behaviour and to think about getting professional help or support if you're in a relationship with someone like that.

Causes of Gaslighting Behaviour by a Husband

Angry Man. Credit: Pexels

When you know what causes gaslighting, you can better understand why a narcissistic husband uses misleading tactics. Even though each person is different, there are some things that they all have in common that make them act this way:

Narcissistic Personality Traits

A narcissistic husband often has a feeling of entitlement and doesn't care about other people. Because he wants to be liked and in charge, he might try to trick his partner into thinking he is better and more powerful than he is.

Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem 

It's funny, but a gaslighting husband may be deeply anxious behind the facade of being better. Gaslighting is a way for him to protect his weak sense of self-worth and draw attention away from his own flaws.

Need for Control

The selfish husband uses gaslighting as a way to control his partner. By making her question herself, he has more control over how she feels, what she decides to do, and what she does.

Fear of Abandonment

An egotistical husband might use gaslighting to make his partner dependent on him because he's afraid she'll leave if she realises how strong and valuable she is.

Why Women Don't Leave Gaslighters

It's not as easy as just walking away from a bad situation to leave a narcissist husband who gaslights you. Some women find it hard to leave gaslighters because of a number of things:


Gaslighters are very good at manipulating their partners' emotions by making them feel bad, responsible for their actions, or like they don't deserve better treatment.


People who gaslight their partners often cut them off from their friends and family, making them feel like they have nowhere to turn for help.

Financial Dependence

A gaslighter may sometimes control the couple's money, making the other person financially dependent and unsure of how to live outside the marriage.

Fear of Retribution

People who gaslight their partners may threaten or step up their violent behaviour if their partner tries to leave, making their partner afraid of what will happen.

How to Beat a Gaslighting Husband at His Own Game

Beating A Gaslighting Husband. Credit: Pexels

Dealing with a narcissist husband who gaslights you takes strength, resilience, and knowledge of yourself. Here are some ways to keep yourself safe:

1. Trust Your Instincts: Go with your gut. If something feels off or like someone is trying to trick you, go with your gut and confirm your feelings.

2. Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a doctor who can help you feel better and give you a new point of view.

3. Set Boundaries: Set clear limits and be clear about what you want.

4. Maintain Independence: Develop your interests, hobbies, and finances so you can feel like yourself again.

5. Think About Getting Professional Help: Individual or couple's therapy can help you figure out how to deal with the relationship and how it works.

Having a narcissist husband who uses gaslighting is hard, but know that you are not alone and that help is available. By knowing how gaslighting works, realising how valuable you are, and asking for help, you can take steps to get your life and emotional health back.

How To Help A Gaslighting Husband

Helping a husband who is gaslighting you can be hard and tricky because you have to deal with the problems that are at the root of his cunning behaviour. 

Dealing with a husband who is gaslighting you can be hard on your emotions, and you may need help from friends, family, or a doctor. As you try to help your husband through his problems, you should always put your own safety and well-being first.


Here are some things you can do to help your husband who is gaslighting you:

  1. 1.     Encourage Self-Reflection: Be kind to your husband and encourage him to think about how he feels and what he does. Help him realise how his actions affect you and the relationship.


    2.     Communicate Openly: encourage honest and open talk. Make it safe for him to talk about how he feels and what worries him without using gaslighting or manipulation.


    3.     Set Boundaries: Set clear rules for what is accepted behaviour. Tell him that gaslighting and playing with his emotions are not okay and won't be allowed.


    4.     Encourage Therapy: Suggest that your husband go to individual therapy to figure out why he is gaslighting you and to work on better ways to deal with things.


    5.     Couples Counseling: You might want to go to counselling with your partner. A skilled therapist can help you and your partner have useful talks and deal with deeper problems in your relationship.


    6.     Focus on Empathy: Help your husband become more empathetic and understand how other people feel. Tell him to put himself in your shoes to see things from your point of view.


    7.     Encourage Support Networks: Tell him to get help from friends, family, or support groups so he can learn from people who have been through similar problems.


    8.     Avoid Blame Game: Don't play the blame game, because it can make problems worse. Instead, try to find answers and see things from each other's points of view.


    9.     Practice Self-Care: Take care of yourself, both physically and mentally. Keep up with your hobbies, interests, and friends to build your mental strength.


    10. Know Your Limits: It's important to support your husband, but you should also know when his behaviour is hurting your emotional health. Think about asking a professional for help to figure out what to do.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I recognize if my husband is gaslighting me?

Gaslighting can be hard to spot, but some signs include telling lies all the time, putting the blame on you, ignoring your feelings and worries, making you feel like you are always wrong, and making your thoughts and feelings muddled.

Can gaslighting behaviour be changed?

Gaslighting is a deeply ingrained part of a narcissist's personality, which makes it hard to change. But if the person wants to change and gets professional help, they can make some improvement.

How can I protect myself from a gaslighting husband?

Setting limits, getting help from friends and family, keeping your independence, and thinking about professional counselling or therapy are all ways to protect yourself from a husband who is gaslighting you.

Can gaslighting behaviour be changed?

Even though it's hard for someone with narcissistic traits to change, some people may see how harmful their behaviour is and decide to work on themselves. But it's important to put your safety and health first and not just count on the hope that things will get better. If your spouse is gaslighting you, you should get help and support from an expert.

What are the long-term effects of living with a gaslighting husband?

Living with a guy who gaslights you can hurt your mental and emotional health in a big way and for a long time. It can cause anxiety, sadness, low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

How can I confront a gaslighting husband?

It can be hard and even dangerous to talk to a husband who is gaslighting you, so you should plan ahead and think about asking a therapist or counsellor to help you. Focus on setting limits and being clear about how you feel while putting your safety first.

Is leaving a gaslighting husband the only solution?

Leaving a husband who is gaslighting you might be the best choice for your safety and well-being, but it's a hard choice that depends on your specific situation. Get help from friends, family, or a doctor to figure out what your options are and make the best decision for you.

Can therapy or counselling help with healing from a gaslighting husband?

Yes, therapy or counselling can help heal mental wounds caused by a husband who uses gaslighting. A professional can give you support, validation, and tools to help you rebuild your self-esteem, set limits, and deal with the trauma of being gaslighted.